I’ve not been on a date for a few years, needed to break my own repetitive cycles.
Recently I found @canadasdatingcoach named Chantal Heidi who talks about 3 months dating rules (No kissing, no sex, no sleepovers, no exclusivity) when wanting to find a long term partnership and its an interesting approach. 😊
I was hooked!! I could have read this as a book chapter, doesn't read as a simple blog post. I hope it was cathartic to write and publish it!
You've described so well something most of us go through: "A dating culture that rewards avoidance, withholding and vague half-connections disguised as freedom." And what this culture does for normal sensitive human beings is that it makes you constantly question "Is this guy just an avoidant asshole or whatever?? Or is this a genuine human connection, potentially the one, and I shouldn't listen to basic pop psychology advice that can't really be generalized??"
I definitely do not think you are stupid for giving it as many shots and having as much hope as you did. Love is difficult and if you felt something real and meaningful it is natural to explore it rather than immediately say "uhm, this guy is not immediately obsessed with me, next!" I mean, it would have saved you some time and pain in this case but we can't always know. It's all part of the human experience, I guess...
I don't want to seem like defending James, because I'm certainly not. But the longer I'm experiencing life and people, the more I realise that we all are simply carrying different combinations of fucked-up-ness imprinted in us by our childhood and life in general. So even though it's easy to blame James, Emily has her own issues that made it possible, as she has admitted herself. It's simply the combination of the two that creates the dynamic, and only psychology is really to blame. All we can do as humans is to learn from the mistakes and not repeat them in the future. The most important thing is that Emily hasn't lost too much time in this and with no irreversible side-effects. So it can only get better from here 💪🏼
Speaking as a fellow writer and hopeless romantic, this is amazing. I felt every word, and found so much of my own pain, my struggles and my longing in your words. You truly have a gift. I’m sorry for the heartbreak you went through (God knows I relate), but I hope that all the positive feedback on this piece has shown you that your vulnerability and honesty are very much not wasted; I really hope it makes you feel less alone. Like how reading this piece has made me feel.
« A dating culture that rewards avoidance, withholding and vague half-connections disguised as freedom. »
This track hits even harder the longer you sit with it. Layers on layers… multiple themes weaving together… and honestly, it only takes one listen (plus a pause to actually read the words) for the deeper meaning to settle in. And it’s so sad!
Merry (slightly late) Christmas, Emily. This one was worth the wait! 🧑🎄🎄
Are we living in the same timeline? The internet is revealing these pathetic avoidance tactics and I think we need to start pouring into ourselves more…
“Because fixation is an escape. Because it gives me something to solve. Because it delays the work of turning inward.” We are worth SO much more than the half-assed efforts we are receiving. Let’s break the cycle and stop entertaining this (speaking to myself here)
He seems like a textbook breadcrumber and you've pecked away at them. I adore your prose and insight but he seems like a pillock.
It IS hard to get over someone but as you paraphrase yourself, he showed more interest on dog remains. Remember your worth and also the age old adage; women sleep with who they want, men sleep with who they can. To me his egg analogy was pure tripe, I see no gilded reason that egg consumption constitutes some higher connection - even if we're talking a benedict.
All this said, I hope you enjoyed your trip to Bali and had a good Christmas. I do enjoy your engaging and enthralling life tales. X
Please never stop writing, speaking, recording and all of the things. I feel like we’re all living the same timeline and you have such a great way of expressing everything that I’m feeling. I look forward to all of your posts and hearing you speak. Thank you again ❤️
The ability to articulate thoughts and emotions without swaying readers is an art that you’ve mastered wonderfully
Much appreciated Carlos 🙏
Fabulous read, its so relatable!
Seeing myself in your words and thoughts..
I’ve not been on a date for a few years, needed to break my own repetitive cycles.
Recently I found @canadasdatingcoach named Chantal Heidi who talks about 3 months dating rules (No kissing, no sex, no sleepovers, no exclusivity) when wanting to find a long term partnership and its an interesting approach. 😊
I feel you! I don’t even want to be celibate but what choice do we have 🥲
I was hooked!! I could have read this as a book chapter, doesn't read as a simple blog post. I hope it was cathartic to write and publish it!
You've described so well something most of us go through: "A dating culture that rewards avoidance, withholding and vague half-connections disguised as freedom." And what this culture does for normal sensitive human beings is that it makes you constantly question "Is this guy just an avoidant asshole or whatever?? Or is this a genuine human connection, potentially the one, and I shouldn't listen to basic pop psychology advice that can't really be generalized??"
I definitely do not think you are stupid for giving it as many shots and having as much hope as you did. Love is difficult and if you felt something real and meaningful it is natural to explore it rather than immediately say "uhm, this guy is not immediately obsessed with me, next!" I mean, it would have saved you some time and pain in this case but we can't always know. It's all part of the human experience, I guess...
P.S. Fuck "James"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you!
Hahah I am the problem… (men who are obsessed with me give me the ick)
I don't want to seem like defending James, because I'm certainly not. But the longer I'm experiencing life and people, the more I realise that we all are simply carrying different combinations of fucked-up-ness imprinted in us by our childhood and life in general. So even though it's easy to blame James, Emily has her own issues that made it possible, as she has admitted herself. It's simply the combination of the two that creates the dynamic, and only psychology is really to blame. All we can do as humans is to learn from the mistakes and not repeat them in the future. The most important thing is that Emily hasn't lost too much time in this and with no irreversible side-effects. So it can only get better from here 💪🏼
Speaking as a fellow writer and hopeless romantic, this is amazing. I felt every word, and found so much of my own pain, my struggles and my longing in your words. You truly have a gift. I’m sorry for the heartbreak you went through (God knows I relate), but I hope that all the positive feedback on this piece has shown you that your vulnerability and honesty are very much not wasted; I really hope it makes you feel less alone. Like how reading this piece has made me feel.
P x
I’m glad we can all find solace in this little community 🫶
Your writing is amazing. It sucked me in and didn’t let me go until the end.
I was yelling don’t message him! In the end we are all human and constantly growing and learning from our experiences.
I’m rooting for you! 🫶🏾
Thank you! Hahah it’s a journey 🙏🫶
« A dating culture that rewards avoidance, withholding and vague half-connections disguised as freedom. »
This track hits even harder the longer you sit with it. Layers on layers… multiple themes weaving together… and honestly, it only takes one listen (plus a pause to actually read the words) for the deeper meaning to settle in. And it’s so sad!
Merry (slightly late) Christmas, Emily. This one was worth the wait! 🧑🎄🎄
Thank you! And Merry Christmas to you too ☺️
This was an amazing read. I wish it wasn’t so relatable! We’ve all had a James at some point
Thank you 🙏 sigh we have indeed, sometimes on loop apparently
Are we living in the same timeline? The internet is revealing these pathetic avoidance tactics and I think we need to start pouring into ourselves more…
“Because fixation is an escape. Because it gives me something to solve. Because it delays the work of turning inward.” We are worth SO much more than the half-assed efforts we are receiving. Let’s break the cycle and stop entertaining this (speaking to myself here)
We can try try and try
He seems like a textbook breadcrumber and you've pecked away at them. I adore your prose and insight but he seems like a pillock.
It IS hard to get over someone but as you paraphrase yourself, he showed more interest on dog remains. Remember your worth and also the age old adage; women sleep with who they want, men sleep with who they can. To me his egg analogy was pure tripe, I see no gilded reason that egg consumption constitutes some higher connection - even if we're talking a benedict.
All this said, I hope you enjoyed your trip to Bali and had a good Christmas. I do enjoy your engaging and enthralling life tales. X
For the love of Benedict, Mr Breadcrumb is no more 😪
Thanks for being here! 🙏
“Don’t get too comfortable.” A blank IKEA showroom. Clinical. Like depression is a design scheme.
brilliant!
Why is everything built the same now!! 🤏🏼
gosh where do you guys find these meeeen, I know chemistry and all but buckle up girl, they don’t deserve you
The trenches 😪
Oh my god I’ve been WAITING for this one
appreciate you!
Emily. I laughed ,cried , asked myself why and wanted to hug you and hug myself too.
Thank you 🥹
Same! I wanted more to read but also glad it ended there.
Please never stop writing, speaking, recording and all of the things. I feel like we’re all living the same timeline and you have such a great way of expressing everything that I’m feeling. I look forward to all of your posts and hearing you speak. Thank you again ❤️
Thank you so much 🫶
Amazing read! You are so talented
Thank you Leah 🙏🫶
Absolutely perfect! I love it!!!
Thank you!